Planning is pain

My life is not my own. I am married to property of the United States Army. That's exactly what they can say too. One of my husbands fellow AIT students got an Article 15 of the UMJC because he got sunburned very badly. They said it was destruction Or damage of government property. I do what they say, and go where they say. Don't expect to know what those things are until the last minute either. You don't know until you have to know. Planning something is almost impossible. They can change things at any given moment. When I look at the way the Army is structured I just shake my head not surprised it's run by men.

In nine weeks I will be moving to our FDS, but don't ask me where because I don't know yet. Of course the thing that irritates me the most is not knowing and doing things at the last minute. But as some will learn you have to change your perception to have a happier outcome. I have to look at it like we are being
spontaneous, lovers just acting on a whim to move somewhere new to escape our old shadows that we called our lives. Creative I thought anyway. If I didn't see things like I do now I'd still be the same scared and depressed woman I was when my husband was shipped to Fort Jackson to become a soldier.

I've learned not to try to plan with such high verocity and fervor. Heart break will be the outcome most times if I do. First I thought I could move with my husband to his AIT not realizing that when his orders said we could move at our own expense that we wouldn't have our BAH instead of just having to pay for the move itself. I thought it would be cheaper then driving every weekend to see him when he got those privelages. I was told just go once a month to see him no big deal. I had already got everything into place to move until his officers finally told him we'd lose the money we use to pay our rent. Needless to say no summer classes and no more beautiful house. My landlord wouldn't take back my notice.

Luckily I did get permission to stay up in Virginia (which is where my husband is) for a month. Which was perfect because we planned on having another baby. In June I planned on living with my mother to save money and come up in July which is when my husband graduates then we will be to our FDS. So we tried to get pregnant every chance we got. Which lead to my next demise. A couple days after I tested positive at home I started to bleed in pain. Next day I went to the hospital. They told me I wasn't pregnant. I had either lost it or the test had been false they weren't sure which.

I cried more than you know, and thought to myself I don't want try again. Then it clicked. I had two beautiful babies laughing and smiling calling me mommy. It was them I still have to live for and enjoy them. We will get pregnant when it's right. We won't stop trying. Just remember it's the way you look at a situation that determines how you handle it. You can't change what isn't under you're control. As for planning. Be flexible ;)