The difference

What pisses me off is when I hear people say or post things on their facebook or whatever saying " I miss my man "
They most likely just saw their husband that day or will see them in a few days. Don't get me wrong I probably said those things too when Jon worked that night shift at his former job. The difference is they don't know what missing someone really feels like. If they did understand maybe I'd have more friends, because I wouldn't have been abandoned for the main fact they couldn't empathize with my situation. Go nine weeks without the man you love. How about a deployment can you take that ?! I don't know I will be handling it that well. Go whine and bitch and then when I go to say the same things leave me out in the cold.

This is surely another symptom of withdrawal from my soldier. My advice if you find yourself in this situation?! Just Let it all out.

Im a writer not a fighter

I'm a writer. I've been writing stories and poetry since I was in the fifth grade. At this point I'm in the planning stage of writing a completely finished novel. I've tried other times, but needless to say I wasn't serious or cared if it was published. First the really organized out line so I know if the whole scheme and events will naturally flow together and make sense. It makes editing the first draft much easier. I'm a stay at home mom for now while I'm in limbo. I don't have orders yet so I won't have enough time to transfer in the fall. This gives me an oppurtunity to stay to a writing schedule. Although I'm looking for someone to keep me to my goals and to proofread. Jon , my husband is too bias. Any volunteers?

I'm hoping this incredibly difficult yet achievable goal will keep my mind occupied. Like having patience for our orders. It's literally any day now! We have only eight weeks left until we move! And the stresses of trying to have a baby, not to mention the inevitable deployment. I was hoping, if some of you liked to read, if you wanted to read my ideas or a chapter or two on it. It would allow me to get feedback to the specific audience I'm targeting. If you'd like to read my work, comment on this post. I just didn't want to post them if they weren't wanting to be read.

How do you keep from getting bored? lol

I work on my novel, and write poetry, crochet and knit, and read lots of books!

Ask me anything

Ways to know they are not your true friends.

1. If you always listen to their problems, give them advice, and comfort them but they are absent when you say you're having ONE OF THOSE DAYS because you mss your husband... They aren't a true friend.
2. If they always try to out do you to make you jealous or to make you feel sorry for them.
3. If they only talk to you when they want something.
4.If they lose contact with you when you're out of town for a short period of time, and then regain it when you come back.
5. If they lie to you or talk about you behind your back... A given.

I feel like I need to express a valid point not just for the military wives out there, but for people in general. It is better to have one good friend, then a handful of bad friends. Finding out who were my true friends was very hard for me, because all that was left was my husband at first. I was heartbroken. But looking back now that they aren't in my lives my life is better without them. I no longer got taken advantage of or ran over. No one to make me feel like shit when i was already having a bad day. No one to make me feel stupid for missing my husband so much.

Negative, unhealthy people in your life will only turn you into a altered version of themselves. After all in trying to defeat our enemy we in the end become them. If you feel alone and abandoned, there is a reason the people in your past didn't make it to your future. Have patience and beautiful people will come into your life in the right moments. Or at least I'm hopeful.

Poetry

In the rapture of an addiction
The seduction makes you high
The words speaking staggering diction
The intense emotive of the thing

The sensuality of convening lips
Melts the entirety of the soul
And when fingertips trace the curving of the hips
Two smoldering bodies begin to fill the role

Inhaling the euphoric animation
Holding in the moment as the scene turns
The tease of a kiss leaves shivering anticipation
As the cycle of passion churns

The lights flicker out.

Those who love each other shall become invincible.

I've been with my husband since October of my freshman year. Two years older than I am. He was the third boyfriend I had ever had and within the first year I knew he was the one. Controversial to say the least, no one thought it would be forever for us. Our parents tried to separate us on numorous occasions. But here we are practically six years later with our third year wedding anniversary on June 8th. We have been through a lot together. Both with a good share of mistakes and close calls where we didn't think we'd make it. But Basic Combat Training was the hardest thing I've been through yet. And we are stronger than ever.

A week after he had left I had fallen apart. I didn't eat, I skipped the first day of classes, And I didn't sleep. I was not functional except to the extent of taking care of my children. We were stuck At the hip and best friends to say the least. We were so in tune with eachother, and when he was hundreds of miles away from me I felt a big piece missing from my life. It didn't help that I had no help, no support. No one undrstood why I was so sad. One day when all I did was stare at a computer, barely leaving the couch, I was overwhelmed with epiphany. I was wondering how I was going to keep from relapsing from MDD and then it happened. As I was watching all the videos I could about basic training and Fort Jackson, I cried. I felt like at that moment my husband and I were connected. Thinking about each other in the same instant. He was sacrificing everything for me and our babies. The things he would accomplish and go through was much more than I could have ever asked of him. He then became my inspiration and my hero. If he could endure BCT I could be the best I could be. It wa selfish of me to sit around and stop my life, when he was doing this so I could live it.

The letters are what got me through it. We helped eachother stay motivated and positive. I'm not really sure how exactly I kept from falling apart, there were instances in where I wasn't myself, but the fact is we survived. And I've fallen in love with him all over gain. I'm a stronger person for the things I've gone through so far in my life. But together we are invincible.

Planning is pain

My life is not my own. I am married to property of the United States Army. That's exactly what they can say too. One of my husbands fellow AIT students got an Article 15 of the UMJC because he got sunburned very badly. They said it was destruction Or damage of government property. I do what they say, and go where they say. Don't expect to know what those things are until the last minute either. You don't know until you have to know. Planning something is almost impossible. They can change things at any given moment. When I look at the way the Army is structured I just shake my head not surprised it's run by men.

In nine weeks I will be moving to our FDS, but don't ask me where because I don't know yet. Of course the thing that irritates me the most is not knowing and doing things at the last minute. But as some will learn you have to change your perception to have a happier outcome. I have to look at it like we are being
spontaneous, lovers just acting on a whim to move somewhere new to escape our old shadows that we called our lives. Creative I thought anyway. If I didn't see things like I do now I'd still be the same scared and depressed woman I was when my husband was shipped to Fort Jackson to become a soldier.

I've learned not to try to plan with such high verocity and fervor. Heart break will be the outcome most times if I do. First I thought I could move with my husband to his AIT not realizing that when his orders said we could move at our own expense that we wouldn't have our BAH instead of just having to pay for the move itself. I thought it would be cheaper then driving every weekend to see him when he got those privelages. I was told just go once a month to see him no big deal. I had already got everything into place to move until his officers finally told him we'd lose the money we use to pay our rent. Needless to say no summer classes and no more beautiful house. My landlord wouldn't take back my notice.

Luckily I did get permission to stay up in Virginia (which is where my husband is) for a month. Which was perfect because we planned on having another baby. In June I planned on living with my mother to save money and come up in July which is when my husband graduates then we will be to our FDS. So we tried to get pregnant every chance we got. Which lead to my next demise. A couple days after I tested positive at home I started to bleed in pain. Next day I went to the hospital. They told me I wasn't pregnant. I had either lost it or the test had been false they weren't sure which.

I cried more than you know, and thought to myself I don't want try again. Then it clicked. I had two beautiful babies laughing and smiling calling me mommy. It was them I still have to live for and enjoy them. We will get pregnant when it's right. We won't stop trying. Just remember it's the way you look at a situation that determines how you handle it. You can't change what isn't under you're control. As for planning. Be flexible ;)

We live in a different world.

Someone once told me that a military wife is just like any other woman. Well if you are in fact a wife of a service member you know differently. The way I see it if that was in fact true we would still have our same friends. We'd never feel isolated. Things wouldn't be so different. Our husbands chose this job, I will freely admit that. But it doesn't make it any less harder or lonely. The military life and civilian life is different in so many ways and the only ones who can truly be there for you and understand is someone who has or is going through the same thing.

I find myself in limbo. A transition if you will. I've left the civillian world. No more civillian friends. No husband at my side. But I haven't arrived at my destination either. No Army wife friends. Haven't been stationed yet let alone get orders. Who I thought were my true friends have stopped hanging out with me, then has pretty much stopped talking altogether. The reason for this isn't exactly clear, but never the less it leaves me alone in a world of unfimiliarity and frustration. To those of you who read this don't get the impression that I'm saying that being an army wife means I'm better than you. But also don't belittle our situation. I doubt you could easily walk in our shoes. We are much stronger than most woman. Unique in our own kind. And until you've experienced the life of an Army wife you aren't entitled to a different opinion. If we were all the same you my friend wouldn't have abandoned me when I needed someone the most. It's survival of the fittest.

I've created this blog to first and formost vent and express myself when I find myself alone. But hopefully I might inspire women and give strength. After all it's hard to go through the things you have to go through as a military spouse. Even harder when you find yourself alone. If this is a pointless effort on either accounts I'll just look at this as my diary. Feel free to comment or ask me questions. Maybe I'll have some followers that lead to friendships. Goodnight.

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